I hide my gray hairs behind my ears as I peek in the mirror quickly on the way out the door. It certainly feels like I have been a grown-up for a long time, and have big girl responsibilities.
Having all of these children and not being the “young chica” that I used to be, I see motherhood through different eyes. It is so hard to believe I was a momma at the age my daughter is now. I am such a different person from that young mom. I thought I had grown up …
Then, why is it that I can see life through this lens of what I know life will be bringing me in the years to come. Those things that I am observing in the lives of those ahead of me a little space in time. While I watch the journeys that are defining the lives of those before me, I know that I, too – will be watching life from their viewpoint soon.
Despite the 40 something years that have shown me bliss, joy, sadness, loss, tears, and a life full of unexpected blessings – I still see that I have so much to live and to learn, and I don’t ever want to be beyond the ability of seeking Him more.
Sure, when I looked in the mirror this morning, it occurred to me that my genetic disposition to aging isn’t holding up too well, and my infinity for flavored coffees has finally caught up with me. I must do some thing about that soon!
Putting all physical appearances aside – I have so much to learn, live and I know it.
As I grow up – I am learning that I have so much to learn.
– There will be hard choices I have to make.
– My children will face trials and I will hurt for them.
– I will not always be the same inside and out.
– I will only grow when I seek The Light.
– Joy will be right around the corner – if I am looking for it.
– I will see heartache and pain – and I am afraid of it.
– Mistakes are always part of a future – and I already regret them.
– I will only make the difference that I allow Christ to make in me.
And as I grow up – I will watch my children grow right behind me. And I pray that my life will always be a reminder to them:
Life isn’t about perfection. Life in the Light is the only way to keep growing and there is never room for pride.
As I grow up – I will remember that those ahead of me have already lived and are learning, and that I can learn from them.
No more struggles with a fluctuating scale, gray hairs staring at me and an inability to keep up with my daughters as they walk and jog with me? Who am I kidding?
But – This mom is going to grow WITH my children, and hope to teach them through my learning.
How do you see life?