Final post in Series… Part One and Two ( Click here)
It doesn’t help to plant your feet into the
ground carpet, hoping that he or she will “come around.” This “coming around” we might have been waiting for has come and gone with the turn of the sun and the rise of the moon. While we were brooding rather than sleeping, or pouting rather than investing. It is gone – the singleness of our being.
And we forgot that when we said ,” I do,” the living for self had to be put on a shelf and the cleaving would be more than words.
There is no pretending that marriage is hard work. I shared here how we fumbled and struggled through trials, changes, selfishness, and poor choices. But we fought hard. We held onto everything we could - to keep that thin piece of love that we thought was left and fought for everything.
How did we fall deep into love when we were so far into our journey? He wasn’t the same person on the inside, I wasn’t the same young gal that caught his eye. So much had changed. So much wasn’t the same. How does a couple find their footing and climb their way back to loving again?
1. Back to the Basics
-We made love too complicated. We expected too much to get back to where we thought we needed to be.
-Get to know WHO you are married to today. The thoughts, patterns, hurts, emotions, likes, dislikes, and the deepest dreams of WHO you need to grow to love all over again.
-Make your conversations simple, un-complicated and without complaint. Restart your communication skills.
- Eliminate examinations and comparisons.
-Date. Date and date again. Don’t ever stop. This is where you began the first time.
-Look at your spouse each day. Look closely and love what you see.
-Simplify your life. Life is too short to be too busy for the love of your life.
2. Embrace The Change
How often do we embrace a new challenge in our lives. It seems that this would rank right up there with one of the most important challenges you can embrace that will be forever life-changing.
-Your spouse is not the same person any more. Spiritually, physically, or emotionally. And neither are you. Embrace the differences. See them as growing older, wiser and stronger together rather than differences, hindrances or weaker.
-Your relationship will continue to struggle and grow distant until you both realize that your schedules, life habits, ideals, and variables have changed everything. Change is necessary. Get out of the rut in thinking your love will fit into the pretty hope chest that you were living in before children, finances, jobs, trials and details that change the shape of our love.
-Wrap your mind around the fact that this will be work. Any thing less would give you a mere acquaintance. You want your lover back. It will take work, and embracing the sweat and tears, the ultimate daily acts of putting your selfishness aside will bring the purest of all embraces back to you. Consider the work and take the steps.
3. See Your Spouse Through New Eyes
-Look at your spouse each day. Look closely and love what you see. Re-discovery.
-Remind yourself daily that you are looking at a different person. The same chosen love God chose for you, but they have changed. Grow together. Learn to see them through new eyes.
-When you look at your spouse, train your mind and heart to see what they feel, think and HOW they love to be loved NOW.
-See your spouse as God’s Chosen Child. How can we look through His lens of love at any one and not see the beautiful, unique and special gifts God has given them. When we take our eyes off of our eyes and hurts, we begin to see the truth.
4. Hold Onto The Dream
- Don’t ever let go of your dream. God has given you one of the most beautiful gifts in marriage. The world has put false notions, pictures of the best of both worlds and has put marriage into a political arena of shame.
-Learn to act and not react. Put away selfishness. Hold onto the gift God gave you even when the dream seems distant.
-Dream together. Spend time in the Word together. Commit this to the Lord. Seek Him with everything you have.
5. Keep The Flame Alive
- Love never dies. Fan the flame of love, passion, interest, investment and cherish every single moment with your spouse.
-Take time. Talk. Hold onto one another – even when your children choose to make it “group hug” time.
-Invest in your spouse. Learn their love language
-Work through the hurt
-Seek the Lord in all things. HE is the only foundation to keep us growing together!!
(If you missed Part One and Two of this series – You can read them here. Where your heart may cry out in understanding.)
Today,we are madly in love after meeting 25 years ago. The molding together of two individuals took a serious chipping, stripping away of everything that we held onto as love, but were really just expectations. The Center and Driving Force of the work, investment and heart was Our Lord and Savior! Without Him, our love would be nothing. He was our perfect example.
It will be work, but my heart cry to any one that feels like they are losing their first love, and that their spouse just isn’t the same any more – Hold onto that rope and don’t let go!
How is your heart today?